


Iron Rusts

by Oliver_966



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Heavy Angst, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Misunderstandings, Misunderstood Tony Stark, Nightmares, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Still Has Arc Reactor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-04-20 13:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14262312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oliver_966/pseuds/Oliver_966
Summary: Tony Stark had always been climbing up what seems like the steepest cliff on earth, with no end in sight, and an endless fall beneath him. He tells himself to just keep climbing, until one day he realizes he's falling.Or: All the Avengers hate Tony despite his best efforts, and his life is falling apart around him.(Lot's of self-venting in this)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Iron Man Yes, Tony Stark...Not Recommended](https://archiveofourown.org/works/576665) by [lilsmartass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilsmartass/pseuds/lilsmartass). 



> This first chapter is heavily based off of Iron Man Yes, Tony Stark No  
> Read it here if you haven't yet, it's amazing: https://archiveofourown.org/works/576665/chapters/1034224
> 
> I wrote this first part forever ago, and wasn't going to post it originally, and after writing the 2nd chapter which is vrryyy personal I was really conflicted about posting this.
> 
> Also this uploaded twice for some reason, but only the first chapter??? Idk why. I had a ton of trouble uploading this for some reason... Umm here's the real one I guess
> 
> I've decided to post it finally after several months.
> 
> I'll talk more about why this is super personal for me before the next chapter, but this chapter is fairly cliche and generic, and it's honestly just the prologue.

Tony sighed heavily wiping oil from his brow. He feels his stomach growl and winces “Jarvis, turn the music off.” and immediately the loud rock music that had previously been blasting out of the speakers Tony installed. “How long have I been down here?” he questioned, not looking away from his current project.

“Approximately 38 hours and 26 minutes sir. Might I suggest-” “No you might not suggest JARVIS. I’ll go grab some food in a minute alright.” Tony rolls his eyes.

“As you wish sir.” Jarvis all but grumbles. Tony sighs again. He supposes he should go get some food. He is rather hungry.

“Actually, JARVIS I am gonna go grab some food now,” he admits with a shrug. 

JARVIS says nothing, but he can feel how smug the ai is and curses himself for making him such an asshole. 

Tony makes his way to the elevator humming lightly and hesitates slightly.

The other Avengers just moved in two weeks ago and… well, honestly it’s not going as well as Tony had hoped. He had assumed that despite everyone having been given a floor they would hang out or do team bonding.

There hadn’t been any of that yet, or any of it that Tony had been invited to at least. He had been going to grab some lunch from the communal kitchen and overheard Barton and Rogers discussing movie night.

He doesn’t mind though. The rest of his team doesn’t care for him much, and that’s alright.

Stark men are made of iron after all.

So Tony rolls his shoulders back, shakes his head a bit as if to clear his nerves, and walks into the elevator “JARVIS, take me to the kitchen.”

“Of course sir.” 

“Umm JARVIS?” Tony rolls his tongue across his teeth, a nervous habit he picked up as a child. “Yes?” the ai asks, a bit of concern somehow making its way into its voice.

“Who else is in the kitchen at this moment?”

“No one now, but Captain Rogers appears to be heading that way to get a snack.”

Tony sucks in a breath “Cool, haven’t seen Capsicle in a while.”

JARVIS makes a sound of distaste, “You haven’t seen anyone in a while, seeing as you’ve been locked in your lab for a good 38 hours now.” to which Tony rolls his eyes.

“I could donate you JARVIS.” he threatens with a playful smirk as the elevator doors slide open.

He walks towards the kitchen and starts making a grilled cheese immediately upon entering, tapping his feet as he worked.

Maybe if he offers Steve one he’ll- no stop that. He had promised himself during their first meeting to not care what the ‘Captain’ thinks of him.

Captain America may be a super-soldier, but Steve Rogers is just a man and Tony can’t care what he thinks of him. 

It’s hard though, to accept that the only thing you had to cling to as a child hates you just as much as everyone else.

To know that your such a disappointment that not even Captain America can stand you… to know that Howard was right.

He doesn’t care though.

Stark men are made of iron.

Steve walks in and notices Tony. “Oh, your here.”

Tony shifts slightly at the harsh tone “Yeah, sup Capsicle?”

Steve shrugs “Just getting food.” it’s bitten out, clearly painful for the Captain to have to be so polite to Tony.

“Same here. Want one?” Tony asks, gesturing to the grilled cheese.

Steve shakes his hand “No thank you. We have some leftover pizza I was going to heat up.

Tony swallows “Yeah okay.” 

Silence settles over the kitchen.

Tony goes to tap his fingers but instead bites lightly on his tongue. 

He hates silence.

It reminds him of… everything. Lonely nights nursing wounds as a child, Afghanistan, the wormhole… 

Silence makes him uncomfortable.

“So, Captain!” he exclaims suddenly without truly meaning to.

“Hmm?” the man in question blinked, pausing in his task of choosing which pizza slices to heat up.

“I was thinking that tonight we could all have a movie night. I’m sure there’s still a lot of catching up you need to do.”

Steve shrugs “We actually already had one planned.”

Tony sags slightly, right… he had known that if he’s being honest. He was just hoping that maybe Steve would say yes anyway, and then Tony could come.

“You can come I guess.” the blonde shrugs.

Tony blinks and almost sputters out a nervous really before hardening himself again “What time Captain Spangles?”

Steve blinks “Oh I didn’t figure you’d be interested, we usually have dinner around 7 first I suppose.”

Tony grins despite himself.

Yes!

He can finally prove that he’s not a complete asshole.

‘But aren’t you?’ he reminds himself.

“Cool. I’ll see you there Rogers.”

Tony scoops his grilled cheese off the grill and plops it onto his paper plate with a smile.

Steve puts his pizza into the microwave with a sigh.

Tony knows that the Captain doesn’t want him to come but fuck that. He’s going.

………………………………….

“I can’t go! Why did I say I would go?” Tony whines to JARVIS.

“Why wouldn’t you go?” the ai asks Tony, despite knowing why.

“They hate me!” the genius exclaims.

JARVIS opens the elevator door despite Tony not having asked “All the more reason for you to go. They need to get to know you outside of battle sir, and as long as you do not behave… as you tend to when you get nervous, I have no doubt they will like you.”

Tony takes a deep breathe “Yeah, you’re right JARVIS” he admits, stepping into the elevator.

“Just be yourself sir.” the ai reminds, as he takes Tony up to the communal floor.

Tony rolls his tongue on his teeth again, biting down lightly on it as the door open.

He steps out and notices Barton sitting on the couch first thing “Hey guys, the party has arrived.” he jokes.

“I think I’ve had plenty of your parties.” Natasha calls from the other room and maybe had her voice been slightly less cold he would have assumed it was light banter.

It wasn’t.

He feels his smile become a bit tighter.

“You say that now, but when you get invited to the party in my bed I think you’ll find your opinion swayed.” he pops his head into the kitchen where Natasha is watching Steve cooks and winks.

“Stark, I swear to god I am debating the method I would use to kill you for saying that if it weren’t frowned upon in all 50 states.”

Tony smirks and he can hear practically hear JARVIS screaming at him to be himself in his mind.

He’s not really sure how to be himself.

He’s not even sure which him he is anymore.

Is it this him, with inappropriate jokes, and no care for anyone else, this him who comes out when he’s nervous or talking to the press.

Is it the him who gives Pepper and Rhodey small smiles and would give his life for them without hesitation if it ever came to that.

Is it the him who works nonstop to avoid his own thoughts.

Is it the him who died as a child? The him that was scared and hurt too young to ever grow into the man he should have been.

Are they all him?

 

He doesn’t know.

He’s a socially awkward mess that’s had 4 real people that have actually cared about him. Jarvis, Yinsen, Rhodey, and Pepper.

‘I need to pay for Jarvis to come visit soon’ he reminds himself mentally.

“Stark? You there?” he hears Steve’s voice and snaps back to attention.

Oh whoops.

“You zoned out there dude,” Clint calls from the living room, peering into the kitchen.

“Ah, whoops. I get distracted easily”

Steve says nothing in response and goes back to cooking.

Tony sucks in a breath nervously. Alrighty then.

He heads into the living room where Clint is sitting,

“So Stark.” Clint looks right at him as Tony sits down.

“Why are you just now joining us.”

Tony blinks, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“Well, I m-mean,” he stutters and then winces mentally. Jesus he thought he had that under control. “I mean,” he corrects “you guys haven’t invited me until now. I didn’t even know you were having these.”

‘Liar’ he hisses at himself.

 

Barton glares “Oh my god, don’t play the victim card here. You totally knew about these things. You could’ve shown up anytime. You’ve made no effort to talk to any of us until now. So why are you here?”

Tony shifts “I dunno, god what the hell man. If you want me to leave you to your shitty team bonding then I’ll go!” he exclaims heatedly.

Clint snorts “Be my guest.”

Tony looks over towards Steve and Natasha for help, and finds Steve shrugging “Should I make you a plate?” is all the blonde asks and Tony tenses angrily.

Anger is all he feels. He isn’t disappointed, or upset, or anything like that.

“I’m good. Keep your fucking 1940s homestyle cooking bullshit to yourself.” Tony spins around, sparing one last glance over at Natasha who doesn’t even look up from the computer that she pulled out after he left the kitchen.

He storms into the elevator and feels something wet in his eyes “JARVIS, restock my allergy pills.”

“...Sir, you show no signs of an allergic reaction.”

Tony’s face scrunches up “My eyes are watering.”

“My readings indicate that this is a reaction to extreme emotional distress.”

Tony wipes at his face, running his fingers through his hair.

“It’s not extreme JARVIS. It’s not even a big deal! There’s no reason that I should be… that I should… care this much. This is just fucking dumb. I didn’t even expect it to go differently.”

He knows they hate him.

He doesn’t care.

Stark men are made of iron after all.

He feels a few tears leak out of his eyes and onto his cheeks and quickly scrub them away.

Stark men are made of iron.

But iron rusts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Contains rape. (Not smut tho, it's not described, but it happens)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to rant about how this all relates to my real life in the end notes, but be aware that this is very heavily based on my life, except no one even tried to comfort me and I didn't get to cry until I got home.

Anthony “Tony” Stark doesn’t have many friends.

The other children don’t understand him mostly, don’t like him, they’ve heard their families complaining about the rich Stark child being sent to a public school.

He doesn’t really care. His dad says that he’s too old to be bothering with playdates and friends anyways.

He does have one friend though.

They don’t go to the same school, much to the young genius’ displeasure, but their dads have business meetings often, and Tony always goes.

Cal is the son of a minor partner of Stark industries, and their fathers get along phenomenally. They both enjoy getting to drunk to remember their own names, talking about politics, the media, and of course business.

Howard has told Tony however that they aren’t really friends. That friends don’t get you anywhere in this world.

Tony tells him he’s not really friends with Cal either.

He’s lying then.

Cal is a month younger than Tony. He’s not anywhere near as smart, but Tony loves talking about comic books, and tv shows, and playing games just as much as he would love to talk about science and inventions.

He may be a genius but he’s still a kid.

He and Cal are both very stubborn though, and after a few too many arguments about whose turn it is to play games they started to take turns.

“Come ooonnn, let me have one more chance?” he begged.

Cal shook his head “No way! Besides I have a really cool game for us to play today!”

Tony looked at him curiously.

“Yeah. We’re going to play doctor.”

Tony blinked “We play that all the time Cal.” he had been expecting something exciting and new.

The other boy shakes his head “Not like this. We’ve been playing it the boring way. One of my dads friends taught me this!”

Tony shrugs “Okay. How do we play.”

It is Cal's turn, even if his pick is totally boring.

“First you take off your clothes.”

Tony freezes. What?

“Huh?” he asks.

“Yeah, you have to take off all your clothes.” the other boy insists.

Tony shifts slightly “I don’t think I should.”

Cal frowns.

“Why not?”

Tony isn’t sure… it just feels wrong.

“I just don’t think- I mean- I don’t really want to play this.”

Cal glares “But it’s my turn.”

Tony winces.

He really doesn’t want to play but…

“Come on Anthony! It’ll be fun.”

Tony sucks in a deep breath “...Fine.”

The swallows as he unzips his pants and shrugs them off.

It’s a little cold.

He keeps taking things off until it’s just his underwear though.

“You have to take those off too or the game doesn’t work.”

Tony frowns “No, that’s not- I don’t think my dad would want me to play this.”

His dad could care less and Tony knows this.

“He wouldn’t want you to be rude to his business partners son. Besides this game is really fun. I promise.”

Tony bites his lip and pulls his last article of clothing down.

He’s not sure why the sight of all his clothes on Cal's bedroom floor make him feel so wrong.

“Now go lie down on the bed.”

Tony does so “This game isn’t very fun so far.” he states.

The bed is cold.

He grabs a blanket and goes to cover up with it before Cal shakes his head “No you can’t do that or it doesn’t work.”

Tony frowns “Okay, fine. How do we play?”

Cal grins widely “Well your the patient and I’m the doctor.”

Tony blinks “Okay” that doesn’t sound so bad. He’s not sure why he had to take all his clothes off for it though.

“Now I have to inspect you,” Cal says.

Tony nods.

He jumps a bit when he feels Cal's hands on his leg, trailing along them.

He doesn’t like this game.

Cals hands are cold, and this bed is cold, and he wants to put his clothes back on. 

Cal's hands slide up along his leg.

Tony represses a shiver and ignores the part of him saying that this is all wrong.

Cal's hands hesitate a bit at his thigh, before continuing upwards.

“C-Cal?” Tony stutters as he feels hands where he knows hands shouldn’t be.

“What are you doing?” the black haired boy asks.

The other child furrows his brows, not removing his hands “I’m inspecting you. This is how the game works.”

Tony nods and clenches his fists in discomfort as Call grips at him.

“U-Umm” he stutters out uncomfortably.

One of the hands go up to his stomach, and then the other, and then suddenly Cal is on top of him.

The boy's jeans scratch roughly against his bare legs, where Cal settles.

“I need a gooder view for my inspection.”

‘You need a better view, not a gooder view.’ Tony corrects mentally despite himself.

“AHH!” He yelps as Cal squeezes.

“Shh, I need to concentrate on the inspection.”

Tony nods

“Now turn over.”

Tony does so, and he’s so full of fear and dread, and god he can barely breathe, and he doesn’t understand why.

The hands are now on his backside, and he wants them to go.

“H-Hey I don’t like this game,” Tony admits, trying to sit down.

“Seriously Tony, it’s my turn. I played your game even though it was lame.”

Tony swallows and lies back down.

OH GOD!

He sucks in a breath “Stop.” he chokes out.

Cal's fingers are in him.

He doesn’t like it.

“I don’t want to play anymore.”

Cal ignores him, and the pushes further.

“Stop.” Tony mumbles.

Cal ignores him.

“Please stop.”

It hurts.

It feels wrong.

“stop”

It keeps going.

And then suddenly it stops.

“I can’t believe you didn’t like it.” Cal shrugs and takes his own clothes off.

“Well, now it’s your turn.

“No,” Tony states, standing shakily.

“Hey! No fair! I did it for you.”

Tony trembles.

He doesn’t want to.

“Then I guess it’s your turn again.”

Tony shakes his head.

“I’ll do it.”

Why is he so afraid.

Cal is younger.

He’s the big kid…

He’s not supposed to be scared of Cal.

Yet as Cal lies down, Tony forces his hands onto him.

“I-I-”

“Come on.”

Tony tries, but he just…

“I can’t do this.”

Cal groans.

“Tryyyy!”

Tony does, he slides his hands up to Cals….

He goes to touch it but he can’t.

“I can’t.”

Cal glares “Seriously.”

Tony winces “I’m Sorry”

Cal rolls his eyes.

“Fine. Whatever, let’s get dressed.”

Then Call looks him dead in the eye “Part of the game is to not tell anyone”

And then Tony wakes with a gasp, in a big empty bed, completely clothed.

He has tears rolling down his face and he flushes.

God, he’s pathetic.

“Sir it is-” “I know JARVIS…. Thank god for that.”

“... Sir, I have some news that you won’t like.”

 

Tony blinks in confusion, still shaking from the nightmare “What is it?”

JARVIS hesitates, “Cal Hemsworth is to be present at the gala tonight.”

Tony stops.

Completely freezes.

How could…

But…

“I-”

He can’t breathe.

He does anyways.

Tony can’t do this.

But Stark men are made if iron.

So he must.

\-----

Tony doesn’t want to be alone in his lab until the gala. He’s sure if he allows himself to think too much then he won’t be able to force himself to attend the gala.

Logically he knows that it wasn’t really Cal’s fault, what happened. He had been a child too, and research shows that when children display behaviors such as molesting other children it usually means they have been molested or raped themselves.

It still hurts though. Every day it hurts. Every single solitary day.

People who haven’t been through things like this can’t understand that, even if people like Rhodey try to understand and help.

To people that have never had something like this happen they can’t understand how painful it is. How a day doesn’t go by that something doesn’t make Tony think of what happened.

Tony knows that what happened, that him being molested changed him. He knows that many things in his youth changed him. He knows it changed him into this person who cannot connect with others no matter how hard he tries.

… The one thing he doesn’t know however is what it changed him from. He has no idea who he would’ve been had be forcefully said no when his young self became uncomfortable, or had he been enough for Howards expectations.

He doesn’t know who the real Tony Stark is.

Only that he isn’t him.

The real Tony Stark died long ago.

Maybe this Tony, this broken Tony is an improvement from what he would have become.

Tony doesn’t know.

He doesn’t want to dwell on these things now, right before he will have to see the boy… or now man… that he’s told himself for years he would never see again.

It was his only way of comforting himself.

It’s now been ripped away.

His sense of security, torn apart.

No one can know how that feels.

Or maybe there is someone out there that can? Someone who could talk about these feelings and relate to them, to know how this pain feels?

Tony has yet to find that person.

‘I shouldn’t be alone today’ he reminds himself again, heading to the common area.

He had stopped going there much after his fight with the other Avengers, excluding Bruce and Thor clearly, nearly two months ago.

He fidgets uncomfortably.

He wishes Rhodey was here. Then he could talk to Rhodey, the only one Tony has trusted with his secrets.

Maybe he’ll give the other man a call…

He doesn’t want to be that person but…

He’ll just make it seem like it’s no big deal.

It is a big deal.

“Hey guys, I’ve decided to grace you with my presence because some delivery people have been slacking and my kitchen has no cereal.” Tony lies as he waltzes into the common area.

Steve glances away, obviously unhappy to see him.

Maybe he should’ve just stayed upstairs and pestered Rhodey, Pepper, and J.A.R.V.I.S.

It’s not any better for him to be down here with everyone hating on him than upstairs wallowing in ridiculous self-pity over something that happened years ago.

He’s already come down here though, if he turns around now it’ll look pathetic.

“Wow Captain, you sure do look glad to see me,” he says in a joking tone instead.

The super-soldier rolls his eyes “Well, I don’t find you very pleasant Stark.”

Well then… Steve is certainly starting to get bolder about his hatred.

Fine. Better to be told outright how people feel than to be lied to with fake politeness.

“Wow, I feel the love there Rogers, really do.” 

Tony walks across the tv area and towards the kitchen.

“Don’t forget about the gala tonight Tony.”

Oh right… all of the Avengers currently on the planet are attending this gala.

Perfect.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” and Tony is pretty sure he’s trembling now.

“Just don’t forget Stark.”

Tony turns and looks Rogers dead in the eye “As much as I’d love to, I won’t.” 

Steve raises a brow, but Tony just walks into the kitchen and grabs a box of Cheerios.

He should’ve stayed upstairs. His personal kitchen has Lucky Charms.

Clint is in the kitchen.

Oh great.

It couldn’t have been Bruce.

It had to be Clint.

Clint who absolutely fucking hates him.

Tony sits down with his box of Cheerios and a spoon, not even bothering with milk… or a bowl

Clint opens his mouth but Tony cuts him off before he can even start talking “Look, I’m not in the mood right now honestly. I don’t know what your problem is with me and I legitimately don’t care! Just… god just not today alright. Yell at me for no damned reason all you want tomorrow, just not today alright.”

Clint blinks in confusion.

“Ummm… yeah alright fine Stark, but it’s not for no reason, it’s because you’re a spoiled stuck up asshole and I hate having to live here with you but it’s a requirement from Fury if I want to be on the team.”

 

Tony guesses that make sense.

Fury is forcing them all to live here.

He hadn’t known until now, hadn’t even thought to wonder why all of them stayed here despite hating him.

He assumed it was just for the money.

Their spots on a world-saving, crime-fighting team were much nobler.

It burns a bit but he doesn’t really mind.

He’s made of iron after all.

“Yeah okay, whatever, sorry. I’ll talk to Fury about that and get something else figured out.” Tony grunts tiredly “Tomorrow.” 

Clint furrows his brows, obviously not having expected that response.

Tony stands up before the archer can say anything though, and grabs his barely touched bowl of Cheerios.

“Do you want this?” he asks.

The archer shakes his head and Tony sighs, chucking it in the trash can.

He’ll go bother Rhodey now or something.

_____

Tony sits on his bed frowning.

Rhodey isn’t answering the phone, so Tony sends him a string of texts explaining what’s going on.

Then gets embarrassed and deletes them all.

They get replaced with a simple “Hi :p”

Pepper answers the phone, but only to remind him of a few projects he has yet to finish.

He’s so tired these days… and there are so many projects…

He’ll worry about them tomorrow though.

“Hey JARVIS.” Tony mumbles.

“Yes sir?” the ai asks softly.

“Am I a bad person?”

The ai is silent for a while “Well sir… I may have a biased opinion on the matter but…”

Tony fidgets slightly “I consider you to be a person who is indeed morally good. More so than most even.”

Tony lets a watery smile leak onto his face.

God, he’s so stressed and alone.

“You do have a biased opinion, but thank you JARVIS.”

He sighs.

How pathetic is he… no person could ever find him to be good so he had to create ais and robots to compliment him.

He wonders if maybe he should just watch mind numbing tv until tonight.

JARVIS seems to almost read his mind because he looks around for the remote only to find the tv already on. 

The billionaire sits back on the bed and relaxes, pushing all other thoughts out of his mind.

‘I’m a Stark. I’m made of iron.’

Stark men are made of iron.

Tony is starting to rust.

 

Chapter 2

Tony strides into the party late.

The other Avengers are already there.

Tony feels like a mess.

He looks like a mess.

He walks up to Steve, fidgeting with his sleeve a bit as he looks around.

“You’re late.” the leader of the Avengers states.

Tony shrugs, a smirk on his face “Well some of us are busy Captain.”

Tony wasn’t doing anything all day, but Steve doesn’t need to know that.

“I’m sure.” Steve seems doubtful.

‘Guess he already knows’ Tony mentally sighs.

Tony looks around the room again skittishly.

Why are there so many people?

His skin crawls as he thinks of who is there as well.

‘What do I even do when I see him?’ he wonders.

Is he supposed to be angry? Is he supposed to be mad? Tony isn’t even mad, not really, and yet he is.

‘It wasn’t really his fault. He was a kid too’

Yet he wants to punch him right in the face.

‘I touched him too’ he reminds himself.

God, he feels sick.

He wonders if he can just leave.

“Tony?” Steve raises a brow and the genius flinches “Whoops, zoned out there for a minute.” his voice cracks a bit.

Steve looks at him in confusion.

The Supersoldier lowers his voice “Are you… alright”

Tony nods “Yeah, just bored already, these things are so boring why do they even hold them?”

Steve rolls his eyes and Tony can just his annoyance clearly as he mumbles “To raise awareness and boost public morale.”

Tony knows. God, he wasn’t actually fucking asking.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. See you around Cap.” Tony grumbles, walking off quickly.

He wishes Pepper had decided to come to this stupid thing.

He sees Clint talking to someone and walks up to him “Hey.” he greets.

The archer smiles tensly, and turns away from whoever he’d been talking to.

The other man freezes and takes a step away from Clint.

Oh.

Tony freezes.

It’s HIM.

Oh god.

It’s like everything goes silent and they’re just staring at each other.

He’s going to throw up.

His face is blank though.

At least he hopes it is.

(It’s not)

He can’t move.

Why hasn’t HE broken the stare yet?

“I hate you.” he finds it falling out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

Tony thinks that Clint says something but all he can hear is the buzzing in his ears.

Cal says nothing.

They’re still staring.

Tony can’t fucking breath.

Cal takes a step towards him, and Tony takes a step back.

“Why are you here?” 

He didn’t mean to say that.

His thoughts are spilling out of his mouth.

Cal swallows.

Suddenly there’s a group of people surrounding them.

“Mr. Stark and Mr. Hemsworth!” a blonde woman smiles fakely “Would you two get together for a picture please?” 

She’s too loud.

Tony goes to say no, but if he does everyone will talk.

He doesn’t really have a choice.

He should have died in that black hole.

He and Cal shift closer together, Tony puts on the best fake smile he can muster.

Cal puts an arm around Tony’s shoulder.

Tony is trembling.

Cal is stiff.

The camera flashes go off, and it’s way too fucking bright.

“Mr. Stark are you planning to reissue the partnership between Stark Industries and-” “No.” Tony cuts her off.

The blonde blinks.

Tony runs a hand through his hair “If that will be all.” he walks off.

Clint is close behind him “Tony what the fuck?”

Tony says nothing.

He looks around desperately.

Where the fuck is the bathroom.

He can’t breathe.

‘He touched me, he touched me, he touched me.’ is on a loop in his head.

“Seriously Stark what the hell.”

Tony wants Clint to leave him alone.

He doesn’t say anything though.

He just stumbles towards the bathroom that he finally located.

He throws himself into the room and slides down onto the floor.

“He touched me,” he mumbles, his voice catching in his throat.

“Stark?” 

Why is Clint still HERE?

“Go away,” he grunts to the archer.

“Are you okay?”

Tony clenches his fists and stands, opening the door to a stall and locking it behind him.

“Leave me alone,” he grunts.

Clint stands there for a minute before leaving and Tony sighs in relief.

He falls to the flower and lets out a shaky breath.

He thinks maybe he should be crying.

He can’t cry though.

Or maybe he already is.

Everything feels fuzzy, and he feels disconnected from his body. 

Like he’s not really there.

He thought he could do this.

He’s supposed to be able to do this.

He didn’t even say anything.

It was just a picture.

The place on his back burns.

“Tony?” Fuck! Is that Steve. Tony looks under the door of the stall and sees ’s 2 pairs of feet.

“Hey I uhh, got Steve?” 

Tony can’t breathe.

“What, why?” he manages to spit out.

One of the people shift awkwardly(Clint?) “Something seemed wrong?”

Tony grips his wrist harshly, digging his nails into his own flesh.

“Can’t a man take a shit without you bothering him?”

“Taking a shit on the floor? We can see where you’re sitting.” Clint snarked.

“Just leave me alone would you.”

“Go on.” Tony heard Steve whisper, followed by one pair of feet, presumably Clint’s leaving the bathroom.

“That included you Captain Spangles.”

Tony’s voice cracks and he can barely see. Everything is blurry.

He still can’t cry.

He can’t cry, why should he when others have it so much worse? Why should he cry when he uses his past as a means to justify his shitty actions to himself? Why should he cry when this is all his fault? Why cry when he should be fucking dead?

He should be dead.

He wants to be dead.

Maybe really, a part of him already is dead.

“Tony there’s something wrong, I don’t know what but should I get Pepper?”

Tony tenses “No.” he growls forcefully.

Steve leans against the stall door “Tony, Clint said you were very rude to a complete stranger”

Tony lets out a dry sob “Fuck you. He's not a stranger to me. You don't even fuck know me why are you in here acting like we know each other?”

“Tony I know-” “No. You don't know. You don't even know my favorite food or movie or anything about me! You don't like me, so just go away.”

Steve hesitates “Maybe we've been a little rude to you…” 

Tony snorts “Go away.” 

Steve doesn't “I'm afraid you'll hurt yourself if I do.” 

Oh, now Captain Cuntface cares whether Tony hurts himself?

“Guess what Steve, it's none of your business whether or not I hurt myself. It doesn't affect my performance on your team.”

“Tony I’m just concerned.”

“Well stop being concerned!” Tony chokes on a sob.

“Should we get Pepper or-” “No! For fucks sake! Can’t you see that I want to… I just want to be alone for a minute. Then I’ll come out and be normal okay. Just… just leave me alone please….”

Steve hesitates for a moment before mumbling “Okay Tony.” with a hint of frustration in his voice.

Tony hears footsteps leaving the bathroom and lets himself curl in on himself. 

He wants to scream.

Instead, he sobs on the bathroom floor, shock coursing through his veins.

He wishes he had let Steve stay.

The emptiness of the bathroom makes everything feel so much bigger.

His head is fuzzy, and he can’t think straight.

He cries on the floor and tries to sift through everything that’s going on.

He can’t though.

He stands up after a while anyways.

He cleans himself up and walks out there.

He smiles and talks.

He flirts.

He’s normal.

He’s fine.

 

Everything hurts.

He's starting to rust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is very heavily based off my life as I stated earlier.  
> Cal was a girl for me(I'm trans), and I still wonder if it even counts. I wonder if I'm just exaggerating. I know there are people who have been through much worse than I have that are okay, and yet this still affects me every single fucking day.  
> My moms a speech therapist, and one of her clients and I were friends. That's my Cal.   
> I saw her at a swim meet last November and I swear to god I barely remember that swim meet. I was so shocked. While I was swimming my events I kept screaming into the water, to try and make myself okay. I know I was acting weird the whole time and I still can't believe it happened. I've comforted myself for years by saying she's gone. I thought my mom mentioning that she was in band was sickening, and suddenly there she was.  
> Our families made us take a picture together, and I think it was such a horrible moment it was 2nd only to the actual event itself.
> 
> I wrote this the night before a large swim meet, in which I knew she would be there. I was so scared and I didn't even wind up seeing her.  
> I still felt sick just knowing she was there, and I tried to get a few close friends to understand why that was so horrifying but they didn't seem to take it seriously. My now ex even brought it up casually at lunch once. He thought I was on the swim team with her. He thought I was on the swim team WITH my rapist.  
> I actually had to explain that she's on another team, during lunch, in front of all these people.  
> It was awful tbh, and I feel like such a fucking prick. There are people who have been through SOO much worse, and here I am, unable to go a day without thinking about this one single day. 
> 
> I'm pathetic, but I would really appreciate if you guys didn't really write anything too critical about this chapter. It was really hard to post just because I'm afraid of what people will say, and usually, I'm very open to criticism, but this is such a personal thing. It's really just a vent. I feel really lame asking that. If you have like grammar criticism that's fine but just, nothing about the plot of this particular chapter... Sorry


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is poorly written filler lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like I knew how I wanted to start this, and i know the end goal is Tony is sad boi and erryone else is hella guilty, but like I'm struggling with what to write rn.   
> So like suggestions ^~^ plzzz  
> I can't garuntee I'll use yours but like plz write it down, I prolly will! Unless it wuld just throw off the flow of the plot (Ahem didn't this filler af chapter do that lolol)  
> At least there's Jarvis. I love Jarvis. I want Jarvis to be in this because he's my boi. Robot JARVIS is also boi. And Pepper(not as love interest tho) and Rhodey.
> 
> Rlly modt Marvel characters r my children and i love them.
> 
> I love Bruce Banner more than Hulk tho like why does my Avengers calendar have 2 hulkd and 0 Bruce Banners!!! My science child deserves mor love!!! 
> 
> Whoops i got off topic!!!
> 
> Suggestions! Plz! Prevent more off topic chapters from my incompetent ass!!!

If Tony is honest, some part of him expected things to change after the party.

Some part of him had dared to hope that at least after the horrifying experience maybe the team would see that he’s… that he’s human too.

It seems that after that night Clint and Steve just resent him more.

Why couldn’t he have just been stronger? Why did he have to let things affect him this way. 

Why is… just why?

He doesn’t mind though. He continues to flirt and joke around with them like they don’t despise him.

They wouldn’t despise him if he didn’t fail at communication so much anyways.   
Tony is lonely. 

He’s so fucking lonely. 

He would do anything for someone to talk to, but Pepper keeps sending paperwork, Rhodey wants him working for the army, and he hasn’t talked to Jarvis in forever… maybe Jarvis doesn’t even want to talk to Tony anymore.

He feels like he’s drifted away from everyone that matters most to him…

Now all he has are memories that make his chest ache with pain and emptiness at the same time…

That and three roommates that hate him.

Which is fair like he said but… damn he’s lonely.

“JARVIS, give real Jarvis a call.”

“Of course sir.” JARVIS the ai states.

There’s ringing over the speakers in the room for a few moments, before Jarvis’s voice comes through the phone “Tony!”

Tony smiles and feels himself calm down.

“Hey J.”

“Young sir! It’s been so long!”

Tony feels his smile start to slip. Jarvis doesn’t want to talk to him, he shouldn’t have interrupted him- “You’ve been caught up with all your Avengers work. I’m so proud.”

Tony blinked.

“Out there saving the world. I didn’t want to interrupt you getting settled in with your new friends.”

Tony smiled bitterly “Oh, well Jarvis you shouldn’t worry about things like that. I was afraid you’d finally gotten sick of me”

Tony hears Jarvis scoff over the phone “Young master, I assure you that I could not simply get tired of you. Your my son in all but blood.”

Tony knows that.

“Ahh Jarvis, don’t be so cheesy.” Jarvis snorts “How’s retirement treating you by the way?”

“Oh, it’s good, but I do miss my old work. It feels strange to cook for only myself.”

Tony smiles at the thought of Jarvis’s cooking.

“Speaking of cooking, I need to fly you in soon. No food compares to yours J, and I need my fix.”

“Of course young sir, I would be delighted to visit you and your new friends.”

Tony pauses… right his ‘new friends.’

He just can’t bring himself to admit to Jarvis that he raised someone as awful as him… someone not even Captain America can like.

“...Ahem, Yeah of course. I’m sure they’ll love you.”

Tony will just about kill them if they’re rude to Jarvis.

He’ll take anything but people hurting Jarvis, Pepper, or Rhodey.

“Oh, how are things with them anyways? I know you mentioned you and the Captain were fighting when you first became a team.”

Tony grimaces “Oh it’s good. We aren’t super close” damn Tony wishes they were “but we get along good enough.” if only.

“That’s good…” Jarvis sounds unconvinced and how the fuck does he always see right through Tony? “I expect to be visiting soon though, I deserve to see you in person after that black hole incident.”

Jarvis luckily hadn’t seen the news about Tony flying a nuke into a black hole until it was the news about Tony flying a nuke into a black hole and surviving.

Jarvis had still been fear stricken, calling Tony in a panic soon after the Avengers first outing to that Shawarma place.

Tony had been forced to excuse himself from the little Avengers post-battle “why is our life this way” session to calm Jarvis down.

He had lied to his old butler and said “I knew I’d be okay Jarvis, I promise.” 

Jarvis had called him on that shit and stated “No you did not!” 

Jarvis was not happy.

And now Jarvis uses the event when he wants something.

Curse the guilt tripping old man!

“Of course J, you don’t have to try to guilt me. When do you wanna come? A month? A week? Tomorrow?”

Yeah Tony needs to stop hiding away due to how much the Avengers hate him, especially after… the party.

Which Tony is not thinking about. The party is locked up in the “I don’t like dealing with my own emotions” vault.

‘The vault is overflowing and no longer even functions. It’s less of a vault and more of a cabinet that keeps opening, and your cereal falls on the floor and spills everywhere. Except the cereal is feelings’ Tony reminds himself.

‘I’m fucking failing at life.’

“I think a month would be more appropriate.”

Okay fair. Tony will just drag Rhodey out for some much needed socialization of the non toxic variety.

“Yeah okay Jarvis. I gotta go now, but I’ll email you your plane tickets as fast as possible.”

“Goodbye young sir.”

Tony hangs up.

He sighs.

He always feels better after talking to Jarvis.

But he craves more. He wants to talk to people….

Well not really people… he wants the other Avengers to like him, to get rid of this ache in his gut.

‘Good lord, what are you 13?” he asks himself in shame..

Who cares if they like him?

He does though! He just can’t help it…

They’re supposed to be a team, and yet the only one they he gets along with is Bruce, who ran off to India.

“JARVIS, what do you think would happen if I went to talk to an Avenger?”

There’s an awkward pause “... Well sir, statistically, based on past conversations between you and the Avengers… it would likely end in significant emotional distress.”

Tony groans “I’m not a fucking masochist… Hey JARVIS, pull up some articles on how to get people to like you.”

Tony spends an obscenely large amount of time sifting through wikihow pages and yahoo asks to try and figure out how to make people like him.

The advice he receives is full of contradictions.

Some sources recommend being yourself, while others say you need to act the way the other person wants you to act. Some say that you need to put yourself out there, and others say to play hard to get.

Tony isn’t even sure if he’s reading advice on how to get a date or make friends anymore.

He guesses most people already know how to make friends by the time they can even use google…

Somewhere throughout his searches, and scrolling, he sees an ad with his face on it.

“Tony Stark? Real Avenger?”

It’s a clickbait article but… Tony clicks anyway.

“Sir, I wouldn’t recommend reading that.”

“Oh hush Jarvis, don’t be a buzzkill.” Tony chastised.

“I warned you sir…”

Tony looks at the article. 

“Tony Stark, who has dubbed himself Iron Man in recent years, flies around as a ‘hero’ frequently, but is Stark truly a hero? No! His only notable achievements before the Avengers were undoing a fraction of the damage he caused.”

Tony stares.

“Sir…”

“JARVIS, sh-shut up.”

Tony skims down a few lines, through paragraphs detailing his failures as a person. 

“In an interview, Captain Steve Rogers even stated that Tony Stark ‘isn’t a good fit for the Avengers.”

Tony rereads the line a few times.

No- Captain wouldn’t.

This is just shitty clickbait.

“JARVIS fact check this line” Tony says, as he highlights the sentence for the ai. 

“Sir… This statement is… true.”

Tony sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

Fine.

He doesn’t even care.

He doesn’t care.

No one’s ever liked him anyways.

Not his dad, not the other kids in school, not the ridiculous people who pretended to like him for the money… not the Avengers.

All he needs is Jarvis, JARVIS, Rhodey, and Pepper anyways.

He doesn’t even fucking care.

He does care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also comepletly off topic, has anyone seen Nomad of Nowhere??? If not go watch it on YouTube now, the Nomad is such a preciois boyyy


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get some perspective on the other Avengers actions
> 
> Also Rhodey makes an entrance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, the comments that I get from you guys on this fic after I posted chapter 2 are so overwhelming.
> 
> I don't know how to actually communicate how much it means to me what these comments mean to me.
> 
> I've flat out teared up at so many of them 
> 
> ALSSOOOOO 
> 
> Who is traumatized from infinity war???
> 
> ME! I'm so dead.
> 
> If anyone wants to talk abt it then my instagram is oil_draws_shit
> 
> PLLLzZ feel free to message me if you've seen cause S H I T
> 
> Also I need to rlly amp up the angst bfor I can give the Avengers g u i l t
> 
> We gotta make Tony a 100% sad boi before he can get happied up
> 
> If ya'll have ANNYyyy ideas for angsty shit I can do to the boy I will take them. I wanna wait a while before whipping out the Howard was a giant bag of dicks card
> 
> (If that chapter hadn't been a giant vent then I prolly woulda saved the whole chapter 2 thing for later but it was a vent soOOo)

Steve hates Tony before he meets him.

The picture staring at him on the shield file he was given seems wrong. It feels like a mockery of his long dead friend.

Where Steve knows Howard had been vulgar, Howard had so much more tact. Tony is just rude. Howard had been a flirt, but still respected boundaries. Tony is a pervert in Steve’s opinion.

Tony feels like a disgusting fraud version of one of Steve’s best friends.

Steve hates him so much.

He tries to meet him with an open mind though. He knows that his thoughts are a mess of grief and fear.

He’s just lost, everyone.

He knows he might be wrong about Tony, so he tries, but damn Tony is infuriating.

Steve hates him, even more, when he meets him.

He has no respect for anyone, which yes neither did Howard to a degree, but Howard always knew when to tone it down.

Steve gives up on seeing the good in Tony within moments of meeting him.

Even when Tony shoots himself into space to save everyone, knowing full well he won’t come back, Steve still reasons with himself that bad people can do good things.

There were plenty of people doing good by fighting the Nazis, but they were still perverts, still trashy people Steve had been picked on when he was small.

Tony Stark had never been the small one being picked on.

Tony Stark has always been able to throw money at his problems to fix them.

Steve knows he earned his place on the team but in his opinion Tony… no Stark will never be a part of his family.

_________

Natasha Romanoff doesn’t really hate Tony Stark. She’s indifferent.

She doesn’t like him either.

He’s known for sleeping around, being a pervert, and trying to sleep with anything with an ass.

He’s never been accused of assault but she isn’t sure if she believes he’s never at least assaulted someone while drunk.

She doesn’t think he would rape someone, but she also knows he’s made plenty of people uncomfortable.

She observed him at his worst and that tells a lot about people.

At least she thinks she’s seen him at his worst.

She can never be truly sure and it’s best for her to remember that there can always be surprises.

So far Tony Stark is exactly what she expected.

Hasn’t changed much from when he was dying even.

Still arrogant.

Still rude,

Still the same as most rich people Natasha has spied on.

She doesn’t dislike him though.

He just doesn’t stand out in her memory at all.

She’s killed people she liked more than him.

She’s killed people she likes less.

She’s indifferent.

So when she notes that Steve and Clint are far too harsh on the man, she doesn’t care.

It’s none of her concern.

 

______________

Clint Barton doesn’t really have a reason to hate Stark…

The man did nothing to him…

Clint just hates the way he…

He just throws things around like money isn’t a concern. Money ISN’T a concern,

Clint grew up with nothing. He grew up in fear. He knows he was abused. He knows that his childhood was jacked.

And here’s Stark, with no concern in the world. 

He’s always had everything handed to him.

And he’s not grateful at all.

He’s rude and cruel.

Clint hates him.

He doesn’t have a reason and he feels a bit bad about it, but it’s not like Stark has done anything to prove he’s not an asshole himself.

___________

 

Tony is angry. 

He doesn’t care that the other Avengers hated him.

He didn’t care that they were cruel to him.

He doesn’t care as long it never interferes with a mission.

Today Someone set up everyone’s comms to be in a private chat together without him.

Very mature.

Well, it was all well and good until the part where Tony called out an important piece of information that no one could hear, and Tony had no idea that he wasn’t connected to everyone’s comms.

Now Natasha is injured because no one had any idea that a hoard of monsters was headed right for the group.

The injuries are minor, but had Tony not swooped in and grabbed the woman they could have been much more severe.

Then everyone tried to blame him for not warning anyone.

“I did! You guys removed me from the comm chat!”

“Aren’t you the tech genius! Shouldn’t you be able to fix that!” Steve argues.

“I’m sure they didn’t intentionally remove you from the chat Stark.” Fury intervenes and Tony wants to scream.

“I don’t want this to happen again.” Fury warns with a glare.

Tony wants to clock the man right in the fucking nose.

He hasn’t been this mad since Rhodey handed his tech over to Hammer when he was dying.

“Whatever,” he grunts and turns on his heels and storms off.

He doesn’t storm off quickly enough to miss Clints mumbled comment of “I wish you were the one hurt.”

Tony would rather have died in that black hole.

He shakes the thought from his head and ignores Barton, trying to pretend he hadn’t fumbled when the man said it.

“Stark men are made of iron” he mutters to himself as he rushes down the hallway angrily.

As he rides the elevator up to the roof so he can fly he feels the anger burn out of his system.

“Fuck.” he sighs leaning back against the door of the shield elevator.

He wonders if he should just resign.

No, he can’t though… he can protect more people as an Avenger than as a solo act…

Starks aren’t quitters anyways.

 

Tony wonders if he even is a stark half the time, he doesn’t seem to hold many of the traits Howard said Starks was known for.

Tony wonders if maybe that’s why Steve…

No, he can’t get into that.

He puts his helmet plates back down.

“Hey Jarvis calls Rhodey.” he tries to put some cheer in his voice, hoping Rhodey won’t notice how frustrated he is.

“Tony! What’s up?” 

Tony feels the frustration dissolve partially.

“Hey honey bear! I know there was a minor emergency here, but are you still coming over for the weekend?”

“Of course Tones! I should be arriving in a few hours.”

Tony smiles for real.

“I’m so excited to see you Rhodey. I miss you. Are you sure you can’t move down here and become an Avenger?”

Tony so desperately wishes he would.

“I can’t Tones, they need me here. I’m always willing to come see you though.”

Tony knows but he’s so alone.

“I know I know” he heaves a dramatic, but playful sigh “Nothing wrong with trying is there?”

Rhodey lets out a small chuckle “I’ll see you in a few hours Tony.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you!”

“You’ll have to finally introduce me to the other Avengers this time.”

Rhodey is starting to get suspicious. He’s been to visit Tony 12 times since the Avengers moved in, and he has yet to meet anyone.

Tony only ever even talks about Bruce, who from Rhodey’s understanding is a little on and offish about whether he wants to live with the team.

Not that Rhodey or Tony blame him for that but…

Rhodey is confused as to why Tony NEVER mentions the other three on planet Avengers.

They live together. Tony should be talking nonstop about them. Tony always rambles about things he cares about. Rhodey has listened to plenty of forty minute rants about what a dumb piece of junk Dum-E is.

Rhodey knows that Dum-E, JARVIS, U, and Butterfingers are basically Tony’s children, and Tony spoils them rotten.

Rhodey listened to Tony go on and on about Pepper at the various phases of their relationship and held him when he cried when she dumped him. The genius still talks about how wonderful the woman is even if they are merely friends.

Rhodey knows just about everything to know about Jarvis, as in Tony’s father figure Jarvis, that there is to know.

Rhodey hasn’t heard shit about the Avengers.

When he comes to visit, Tony seems to steer clear of any area that they would be in as well.

Rhodey is confused and scared.

He knows Tony can be a bit much if you don’t take the time to get to know him.

He’s sure… He was sure that the Avengers would give Tony a chance though.

They were supposed to be Tony’s new life. His new meaning. 

Rhodey, Pepper, Jarvis, and the bots have been all Tony cared about for so long.

Rhodey knows Tony doesn’t even trust them with everything.

Rhodey just knows that Tony came to MIT at 14, already hurt and scared of the world.

He also knows people think his life has been much easier than it really had been.

Rhodey may just punch the Avengers if they’ve been being cruel to Tony.

The younger man has had plenty of that for a lifetime.

(Rhodey doesn’t even know half of it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fr guys! Ideasss! I take ya'lls requests plz gimme themmmMMm
> 
> if u gave me a request and it didn't get done i might be saving it, or might've forgot cause i'm a forgetful ho
> 
> just send them again to keep me from forgetting ur idea


End file.
